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    June 23

    关于我的失败

    好吧,首先提供这个文本的写作背景:现在心情很沮丧,很多乱七八糟的事情的集合。(懒得解释下去了)
     
    老李同学向我解释了Jerk,可是我还是不懂,这或许类系于这样一种情况:我有时会莫名担心我在别人面前的形象会很丑陋。或许就是这样。这并不是说这样的担心是多余的,或许如此,但是我很同情这种想法。有些人(如我)注定要生在自己心中高尚之物的阴影之下,正如那些信仰了基督教的可怜的人们。我并不是说我信仰基督教或者别的什么类比,而是说,我的思维方式和那些信仰基督教的人很相似就是了。
     
    就好像——对于我,生病只有一种感受,就是头晕。或许这正是某种印象的放大,因为从小似乎头晕的情况特别多(不管是发烧或者是有一次胃炎),然后家人的病也多是以头晕为症状的。所以晕车对于我是一件极其痛苦的事情。——————我想说什么?我忘了。
     
    好吧,说伤逝,现在感觉无比之伤。因为大学结束了,我将不可避免地走上社会,我的失败也不得不暴露在世界面前。就是这样。我害怕,也惋惜,或者随便什么感觉。
     
    我当然考虑过那种可能性,或者,仍然在考虑。只是——
     
    我仍然放不下一些东西,比如某种生活的美好(可是,真的是美好么?),或者等等(如果真的还有别的什么东西的话)。所以,这篇文章似乎是某种特别的文体了。
     
    所以,你们看懂了我想说什么了么?
     
    死亡是唯一不可解构之物,所以,那也注定是我们的唯一去处。

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